Meditation in the time of X

For more than a year I have been stunned by the words and deeds of our President. Apart from the current criminal investigation that touches him, his behavior is a bummer. It’s pretty clear that no monument or national holiday will ever honor him. And no American will ever refer to him as dignified or principled. But my experience of him and his presidency is what concerns me most. I am a meditator, and I need not concern myself with this turbulence.

The President of the United States is my current X.

X is any variable that I plug into my experience to create confusion or anxiety, and I am aware that I choose to do it. X is the symbol I use for every experience that is troublesome or frightening. X can be a person, place or thing; X can be a personal disappointment or a public tragedy; X can have occurred eons ago, or in a future yet to be imagined. I have several X’s, actually, and they shape-shift continuously. Relationships, culture, politics, education, health, environment—all qualify. I realize that I am the disturber of my own Peace, and I am projecting blame onto X.

And, as I still the mind, I notice that every experience I have is gone even as I experience it. I observe all events moving across the landscape of my mind as if I were watching a basketball game. I experience players running, passing, shooting—the buzzer signals the end of the game. Players and fans exit and the gym is empty. All that is left is the re-telling and re-peating of perceived events that are long past. A faint memory of fun and camaraderie remains. And I can do this same thing with every X-y situation that comes up within me.

So, as I meditate with my perceptions of the President and his administration, I observe how they are much like the neutral basketball game. Players are rapidly moving and pivoting, accompanied by high drama. I come to the awareness that the cause of my experiences is within me, and the subsequent reactions are my responsibility.

My answer to X is my responsibility, whether it concerns a basketball game or the Presidency, simply because I am experiencing it.

How can I transcend and transform my X’s in the moment I perceive them? I can say to myself moment-to-moment throughout the day: I AM. I AM. I AM. I AM still. I AM love. I AM Peace. I AM that President. I AM that tweet, I AM that basketball. There is a silent solitude within me that cannot be disturbed. I AM, I AM , I AM.

My result is that my pain falls away, my X’s neutralized. Yes, Trump is still President, but it need not disturb my Peace. In fact, he is a teacher showing me qualities within myself that call for attention. He, and all the X’s in my experience deserve thanks. You have shown me who I really am, and that I can choose to respond from love, not from hate or fear.

I know one thing—and it does not come from a mental knowingness, it comes from a deep realization—that I AM, I AM, I AM.  And as my experience unfolds into the realization of “I AM”, I merge with the joy and Peace that are already there. Thank you. PEACE BEGINS WITH ME.

Regina Milano